The Ballad of Gray Climax 4.0
(How I wrecked the hell out of my truck for the fourth time.)
By Damian Dunn
No drunkenness (1 beer - Hooters). I had to pee really, really bad
(almost thought it would be in pants). So I parked on the street
and jumped out of truck and ran to side of house. I thought I had
put parking break down and car in gear. So there I am peeing on
the side of the house, when the sky lights up and there is this
loud cracking gunshot-like sound. All the lights on the street went
out. I finished peeing and went to the driveway. TRUCK WAS GONE.
"What the fuck," I thought. I thought maybe I had been
abducted by aliens (sky lighting up and loud noise). I ran to street.
I ran down the street. There was my truck sitting in the middle
of the street like nothing had happened to it other than it being
moved 100 yards down the street. I jumped in. Started it up. IT
WORKED. It even drove. I took it around the block and up to QuickTrip.
I probably should have left it at the scene, but my adrenaline was
charging me up. Plus, I thought I had been abducted. It was all
so weird. Checked the damage at QT. Everything looked ok. Driver's
side headlight leaning strangely and a bing on the front bumper.
So I drove back home. As I approached the end of the street I saw
thousands of flashlights and people standing around. Then I noticed
the electrical pole was split in half about 12 feet up and looked
like it was about to fall over. I saw Sal and Bryan (roommates)
standing with crowd of people holding baseball bats (they thought
I'd been abducted by aliens). Rolled down window and told them I
was going to park truck. Parked truck. Had a beer. Cops and Fire
Department showed up. Walked down the street with cop explaining
what had happened. That is when I pieced together that my truck
side-swiped another car, hit a mailbox, and then to its final resting
point about 10 feet in front of the electrical pole (it bounced
after impact). I was issued a ticket for unattended motor vehicle
and public peeing (just kidding on the latter). Had a shot of jack
and went to bed in the dark.
End of story