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On Screen

28 Days Later
I knew I'd love this movie right when it started. The first scene involved monkeys and mad-scientist types. The opening was a subtle homage to Project X (Broderick's best movie EVER!). OK, for real. I loved the movie. It wasn't "scary as hell" as they are saying in the previews, but I didn't feel duped. I didn't really care if it was scary or not in the first place. It just looked cool to me. The zombie types were great, maybe even a little scary (but not scary as hell). When the action picked up and when it rained in the movie, that was the best. You'll love it. Oh, I love all the looting and raiding. My favorite was the scene where they play Shopping Cart Showdown in the abandoned grocery store. It is so much fun to go and see grocery stores in Europe. It is like a whole 'nother story.

Most importantly about this movie is the symbolic placement of the famous statue of Laocoon being eating by a serpent (I learned that in Latin class in high school and then started a gang named the Laocoons). By the way, I think it is pronounced Lay-Ohh-Koo-wan. Laocoon was the Roman priest/soothsayer guy that warned of Greeks bearing gifts (in exempli, The Trojan Horse). Well, they didn't buy into his prophecy and such, and exiled him from the city. Somehow he ended up in the ocean (they may have thrown him out there) with his sons. A serpent started destroying them. The presence of Laocoon in the movie is quite appropriate and symbolic and stuff.    (DD)

Rating: 4 blood-hacking zombie types out of 5

Bruce Almighty
For some reason I always find myself thinking to myself, "I'm not really a Jim Carrey fan." But then, anytime I see him in a movie (other than Cable Guy) (and I never saw either of the Ace Venturas) (I guess all I've really seen of him is Dumb and Dumber?), I laugh my A off. (Well, twice now.) Anyway, I went to see this flick not expecting a whole lot--a few chuckles here and there, maybe even a knee-slap/head-shake combo one time. Also, I had heard from several people that "all of the good parts were in the commercials." Well, let me say, brothers and sisters, that is NOT true! This movie was totally funny and even f'in HILARIOUS in some spots!!! (My fiancee even cried she was laughing so hard.) If you need a nice pick-me-up, this flick (or maybe a gin and tonic, depending on your tastes) is just the ticket--and if you're going on a date, oh man, this movie is perfect! Light, breezy. and quite funny, it's also the perfect change of pace if you, like me, have been dieting on a steady diet of sci-fi/comic book adaptations this summer. (Oh, but I did feel that the whole religious overtone was a bit forced--like they were just looking for an excuse to be able to give Jim Carrey the powers of God so he could do some funny stuff.    (BK)

Rating: 3.75 Golden Calves out of 5

(Response from Eddy: Thanks so much for the review. I didn't think I'd ever go to the movie theater to see Bruce A, but the S you wrote really makes we want to see this. I love how you referred to Mer as your fiancee. That's really funny --- but it is just hilarious to see that on the internet (Internet, sorry Al Gore). So, you really liked the movie and laughed that much? Crazy! Wow! That's funny. I always thought you hated J. Carrey. It's so cool you liked this movie. I need to go see it.)

That is all I can really say about this movie. The story isn't all that exciting as it does not utilize the standard goo superhero vs. bad superhero plot, but when the HULK hulks out, man, that is what a summer movie is all about!!! Plus, HULK can jump far as hell. Ang Lee does a great job of making this flick visually fun to watch by employing all sorts of cool edits, split screens, comic-book inspired cuts, etc., so you really feel like you are watching a comic book that was run through some sort of machine to turn it into a movie--at least for the first half. The second half the movie kind of slows down, but the second half also contains 85% of the hulking. The "hulking highlight" has to go to the battle between HULK and a hulked-out French poodle. Also, I love the how the HULK likes, when battling several people/dogs/etc. at once, to smack one guy with another. Seriously, though, when he HULKS OUT, it KICKS ASS!!!     (BK)

Rating: 3 gamma rays blanks out of 5

This movie was great. Star. Stellar. Bean bag. Seriously, John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Ray Liotta, what/who more can there be. There was some kinda dumb cop and lawyer and psychiatrist and limo-driver stuff in there. But it was good. There isn't a whole lot I am at liberty to say, in order for you to fully enjoy the movie (Cherry Coke and Sour Skittles), but it was good. The stuff with the kid toward the end is just a riot. Rent it if you missed it in the theater. Oh, and did I mention Amanda Peet is wet (with water) the entire movie?    (DD)

Rating: 3.5 creepy sequential hotel key findings out of 5

The Matrix Reloaded
In the first Matrix, Neo took the red pill... or was it the blue pill? Well, it doesn't matter. In Matrix reloaded, Neo took some LSD or something. He has gone batty, is flying around like Superman, totally hooking up with Trinity during a rave, and meeting "God." But, really, Neo is the least interesting part of this action-o-rama totally-worth-seeing sequel to the much more somber and philosophical original. Trinity is still hot and kicks a lot of A. A couple of Invisibilitating Zombie Twins provide a much needed annoying-ugly-asses-who-need-to-be-obliterated. And, my oh my, that Italian lady whose married to the Evil Man... sure is worth the price alone. I just wish she sang more! I could name a lot of negatives, but I do not feel the need. I think that if you have seen the first one and plan on seeing the last one, then you must see this one. And even if you didn't like the first one, go see this for a guilty pleasure. The car chase scene and the Italian job alone make this movie a top pick for me.    (KL)

Rating: 3.6 Agent Smiths out of 5

X2: X-Men United
I would still like to know when Anna Paquin is going to be utilized in this series. She is hot and she has a very terrible power (in a scary sense, not a bad sense). But the only thing she ever does is F up her boyfriends and other 'good' guys. Wolverine kicks a lot of A (Hugh Jackman said in an interview that Wolverine never actually stabs anyone in a vital area... BullS***). But screw all that... the Germans have finally produced something in the last decade (besides lots of beer) that has completely surpassed all things great... Kurt "The Amazing Nightcrawler" Wagner. Just a sideshow freak in the Munich Circus, KW is a phenomenon, mystery, and brain freeze swathed in Blue Man appeal. Ladies don't dump your boyfriends. I think Kurt might be a bit too blue for you, but go see how this amazing mutant poofs and flams all around the White House in the best opening scene of the summer.    (KL)

Rating: 3.8 Deoxyribonucleoids out of 5

On Video

Phone Booth
I had been excited about this movie for about two years. Then, it was slated to come out. Then, they bumped the release date because of sniper attacks. Then, they finally released it. Finally.

Phone Booth centers around a Brooklyn-PR dude who winds up in a phone booth on the phone with a maniac with a high-powered sniper rifle aimed at his head. What follows is an f'ed up sort of psychological torture, and it is quite entertaining to watch. What really struck me about this movie from a critic's point of view, however, was that the director did an amazing job making this movie exciting. Think about it: 90% of the movie consists of a man in a phone booth talking on the phone. Not much action there! But the director (Sam Rami, maybe?) does a great job of using crazy camera cuts and angles as well as tripped-out special effects to convey both a sense of action AND the f'ed up way the main characters mind is slowly (but surely) melting.    (BK)

Rating: 4 quarters (oops I mean 35 cents) blanks out of 5

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